One.
I have what they call a black thumb. Cut flowers are perfect for me…because regardless of soil and roots, if you give me a plant it will be dead in 4-7 days. But I managed to murder my most recent green gift in a record 2 days.
My wonderful Aunt gave me a lovely plant and I put it safely in the back seat of my car.
“I am totally going to forget about it,” I said as I shut the car door.
“Don’t worry, I’ll remind you,” said my wonderful boyfriend.
Next day…at work…
“Did you remember to get you plant out of the car?” said the wonderful boyfriend.
“NO! I suck! I will do it in a minute,” I said as I wrote a giant post-it with the word “PLANT” and stuck it to my computer screen.
36 hours pass…I go out to the car and find my poor pathetic plant…DEAD!
I am a horrible person and I am going to hell.
Showing posts with label garden. Show all posts
Showing posts with label garden. Show all posts
Friday, October 5, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Satan is a Tree
Those of you how know me well, and even those who don’t know me as a bit of a hippie—a tree hugger if you will. I try to steer clear of hurting living things…animals, plants, people. But here is the one time in my life that I truly wish death upon a living thing.*
I WANT MY TREE DEAD!
Awhile back my neighbor approached me with a proposition. My yucky thorny tree was dropping leaves in his pool, so he wanted permission to cut it down and replace it with two new non-devilish trees. Hey why not? He was paying for it and I was pretty sick of sweeping up the leaves on my side of the fence.
His team of tree experts came out and took care of Lucifer and “ground out the stump and removed the roots,” and planted two lovely ornamental pear trees.
So apparently this tree was the devil invegeate because its little shreds of roots went all terminator style on my yard and are coming up everywhere. I have sprouts of this hellish plant 20 feet from the old stump. AHHHHH! I pull and pull and spray and spray but it won’t DIE!
Anyone out there wanna make my little problem go away all quiet like? You know what I mean…whack, hit, burn, clip, ice, pop…make that tree sleep with the fishies…oooo…once you read the asterisk you will realize that was bad choice of words.
R.I.P. Morty.
*alright…there was one other time…high school…a bad fish named Mortimer…but I didn’t kill him…I got someone else to do it…Thanks Bev…you’ve always got my back.
I WANT MY TREE DEAD!
Awhile back my neighbor approached me with a proposition. My yucky thorny tree was dropping leaves in his pool, so he wanted permission to cut it down and replace it with two new non-devilish trees. Hey why not? He was paying for it and I was pretty sick of sweeping up the leaves on my side of the fence.
His team of tree experts came out and took care of Lucifer and “ground out the stump and removed the roots,” and planted two lovely ornamental pear trees.
So apparently this tree was the devil invegeate because its little shreds of roots went all terminator style on my yard and are coming up everywhere. I have sprouts of this hellish plant 20 feet from the old stump. AHHHHH! I pull and pull and spray and spray but it won’t DIE!
Anyone out there wanna make my little problem go away all quiet like? You know what I mean…whack, hit, burn, clip, ice, pop…make that tree sleep with the fishies…oooo…once you read the asterisk you will realize that was bad choice of words.
R.I.P. Morty.
*alright…there was one other time…high school…a bad fish named Mortimer…but I didn’t kill him…I got someone else to do it…Thanks Bev…you’ve always got my back.
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