Thursday, January 3, 2008

An Open Letter to Pretty Much All Pants Manufacturers

Dear Sir,

I suppose it is possible that I am just a freak of nature, but I take issue with your pants.

As much as the cropped thing works for some people, I am not such a fan, especially in January. My ankles are cold and it is your fault. I look far and wide for pants that dare to graze the tops of my shoes. Sometimes I even find a pair that seem to almost work, but one time in the dryer and I look like I’m ready to go clamming.

I have developed some tricks, including sagging like a junior-high hoodlum and using my medieval-style rack device to torture my pants to an appropriate length just after washing. That works in some cases, but is it too much to ask for some cute pants that don’t show off my winter legcoat?

Some of you have moved toward multiple lengths (ankle, regular, long) but let me tell you…once I find the two pairs of pants at the bottom of the mountains of clothing...I find that...long...is not so long. There must be some underground short-legged community to create enough demand for this length-challenged legwear.

Granted…I am taller than your average bear…I got the comments about playing basketball in elementary school and hunchy old ladies often ask me to get things off the top shelf in the grocery store. But I’m not the female Shaq or anything.

Sincerely,
Ashley the Amazon Woman

4 comments:

Beverley Viljoen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beverley Viljoen said...

Well, once I return your sewing machine, you can happily make your own. Oh, after you get a needle. :/

Jonathan said...

Surely the answer to this is to wear skirts and dresses?

(is this a stereotypically male answer?)

Maggie said...

Lurker comment.

I too find this to be a problem but I have found in the store Goodys. Don't know if you have one near you or not but they have the brand Duckhead that is sufficient length for those of us that require longer jeans.